Coconut Incident of 2010

Last Friday, I opened my first coconut.

One, the whole idea of opening a coconut scares me.

Two, I had to use a knife to hack at the thing, which scared me because I had to get pretty violent with the knife, and I did not know how to hold the coconut in a safe manner.

Three, when I did open the coconut, I spilled half the water on the table; I had to suck it up and lick it up with my mouth off the table (yes, I am that cheap). After that, I could not drink the water that came out of it.

Four, I could not completely open the coconut. I wanted to use the meat to make a raw-vegan maki roll. After the hacking of the thing, the slurping up of spillage, the storage of the remaining coconut water, and then the clean-up. I felt grossed out. I still have the coconut water in my refrigerator; I trashed the coconut without harvesting the meat.

Five, I need someone to teach me the ways of the coconut because I cannot learn it from watching a video, or reading a book. I need a real, live person to hack the coconut, pour out the water, then prepare a meal from the meat.

Six, When I was in my early twenties, I tried to open a coconut, but ended up cutting myself pretty bad. I did not go to the hospital, and maybe I should have because when I went to work the next day, my supervisor Cami Chan had me see Ming (Color 2000’s first aid man). He spoke little English, but he did ask how I did it. I told him, “I was drunk, and I wanted to open a coconut, so I tried and almost sliced my finger off.” Ming disinfected it and gave me some antibiotics while he gave me a lecture, in his thick Cantonese accent, about using knives when drunk. He wrapped my hand, and gave me some bandages & meds to take home.
So Friday, I had some flash backs even though, I had one of those young Thai coconuts. It has been 18 years from the first coconut incident to the one of 2010. I can still see the mark between my ring and middle finger on my left hand.